Well the years start coming and they (really) don’t stop coming. Thanks for the heads up, Smash Mouth.

I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. Thir-ty. Still feels strange saying it out loud. Do I feel like I’m 30? Yes and no. In some ways, I’ve never been more sure of who I am, yet in others, I feel like I’m the most lost I’ve ever been. My early-20s were some of my most formative years, trying to navigate the transition from adolescence to adulthood, along with the newfound independence that came with it. It felt like most people I knew were in the same boat at least. It was around my mid-20s where I started noticing a shift, people’s lives beginning to splinter off in various directions, even among those closest to me. I watched those paths continue to diverge into my late-20s, like lines on a graph intersecting at the beginning then growing further and further apart exponentially.

Honestly, I wish I’d documented my 20s in more detail. That way I wouldn’t be struggling so much to recall events that have happened over the last 10 years, seeing as I have a memory of a goldfish – of which my friends can attest to. As I dug through my physical and virtual archives in preparation for writing this post, all I found were a few journal entries where I whined about my (very first-world) problems, and pretended like everything and everyone in the world was against me (it clearly was not). I would like to think that I have done some growing up since then, hence my attempt at recounting some things I have learned, many of which I still have to remind myself of as I enter into a new decade. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Get enough sleep. The first time I ever failed an exam was after pulling an all-nighter – my mind went completely blank the minute I sat down and saw the paper in front of me. Never again.
2. It is okay to want solitude and crave human connection at the same time. I’m no stranger to living alone and travelling solo (a post for another time maybe). Treasure your alone time, but don’t be a hermit and close yourself off to the world. Trust those who care about you and keep them in your life, even if it’s just through sharing memes and reels on Instagram. Those who want to stay will find a way to be in your life.
3. People are multidimensional and so are you. Who you are to your friends from high school is likely different to who you are to your friends from college. And your colleagues from your first job. And your second, and third job. And your partner. And your family. And that random acquaintance you met at a friend’s house party that one time. We’re all actors in our own lives. Be slow to judge, and don’t measure someone’s worth based on your first impression of them.
4. You can grow out of old habits and tendencies. Give yourself a chance.
5. Having a strong support system to lean on matters more than you think. It’s important to have a space where you feel psychologically safe to open up. Whatever that avenue is for you, use it.
6. Ask the stupid question.
7. Pay attention when someone is talking to you. Seems simple enough, but you’d be surprised at how short people’s attention spans are these days. Check your phone if you need to, but listen with intention as much as you can. People appreciate being heard.
8. Closure isn’t guaranteed. Learn to let go and move on.
9. Be accountable for your mistakes and apologize sincerely. But also, stop apologizing for everything.
10. Feedback is a gift when shared with the right intentions.
11. Exercise. Find an activity that you actually enjoy doing, or at the very least, where the thought of doing it doesn’t make you want to throw up violently.
12. JOMO > FOMO. Not giving into peer pressure gets progressively easier over the years. Be selective with your time and the people you spend it with.
13. Growth is not linear. You will feel like you have it all figured out one day, and wake up the next questioning every single decision you’ve made up until that point. Keep pushing forward.
14. Don’t assume. People aren’t mind-readers and neither are you. A lot of unhappiness stems from mismatched and mismanaged expectations. Communicating something you want or need can be very difficult, but it will save you a ton of frustration, guilt, anger and confusion in the long-run. Bite the bullet and clarify things early on.
15. Silence is okay.
16. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. This is one of the most important things I learned in my 20s and in my years of working. Body language, articulation, pacing, tone, structuring – the art of non-verbal communication and storytelling can and should be learned.
17. You can learn almost anything on the internet. Pick up a new hobby, learn a new skill (see #16).
18. Keep in touch with mentors, leaders and sponsors who have supported you in your career. Your career progression is a combination of hard work, luck and timing. #1 is well-within your control, but #2 and #3 are often overlooked in terms of importance. Invest in genuine relationships with people you have worked well with and you may find that it may open doors for you where you never knew doors even existed.
19. Make time for the things you care about. No one else will.
20. Your views and opinions can and (likely) will change. Stay curious, stay open.
21. Bonus: Invest in a good chair. Your back will thank you for it.